[Partnerwerks TeamWisdom Tips] TELL ME FIRST

Welcome to Partnerwerks TeamWisdom Tips!
by Christopher M. Avery, Ph.D. (http://www.partnerwerks.com)
October 2, 2002
Read by 3059 professionals in 48 countries.
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TeamWisdom(TM) Tips promotes individual mental skills and
behaviors that create highly responsible and productive
relationships at work.
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This week's line-up:

1. 10-Second TeamWisdom
2. Welcome Notes
3. IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH MY ACTIONS, TELL ME FIRST
4. 5-Minute TeamWisdom Stretch
5. Readers Respond
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1. 10-Second TeamWisdom

When you have an issue with another's actions, just tell the
person (first!) so the two of you can clean it up and get on
track.
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2. Welcome Notes

Thank you for caring enough about responsible relationships
at work to subscribe to TeamWisdom Tips.

Since the last issue we've gained 94 subscribers to put us
past 3000. To celebrate, we'll begin a new practice of
sending a copy of Teamwork Is An Individual Skill to every
500th subscriber starting with #3500.
--
A few days ago I told you about the new website for Being
Powerful In Any Team. Your last chance to attend this year
is December 2-4, 2002, at the beautiful Guadalupe River
Ranch near San Antonio. See details and on-line registration
at http://www.beingpowerful.com. Enter affiliate code "TIPS"
for a 10% discount only available to TeamWisdom Tips readers
and your colleagues.
-- 
On a personal note, supporters have pledged $2240 toward my
150 mile bike ride this weekend to benefit the fight against
MS. Help me blast through my original goal, see
http://www.partnerwerks.com/MS.htm
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3. IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH MY ACTIONS, TELL ME FIRST

Here's a powerful bit of TeamWisdom people often agree
to and then ignore or justify not following. We call it
"tell me first." And here's the simple rule: when upset by
another's actions, report your concern first to that person
so he has a chance to correct things with you. What's the
value of this TeamWisdom?

- we keep relationships healthy;
- we take responsibility for our issues by taking them to
  the person who can do something about it; and,
- we perform well because we correct fast.

I was reminded of "tell me first" during meetings with a
high-performing team of managers. One member confessed on
the second day of meetings that he was an uncomfortable
participant a day earlier when they systematically assessed
all of one manager's direct reports. He essentially reported
that he was torn between "rights." It was right for him to
follow his personal ethic of "tell me first," AND it was
right for him to participate as a manager to discuss
leadership succession. Bravo! A discussion ensued among the
team members on the ethics of talking about others. They DID
NOT take the low-road we've often seen by simply declaring
"we're managers, it's our job to talk about our people."
Instead, they made responsible distinctions about how to
choose between the two "rights" presented.

Partnerwerks associates also promote the essential
distinction these managers made: when speaking about third
parties, your intention must be supportive and responsible.
Thus, when we find ourselves tempted to "dis" Albert as we
talk with Jane, instead, NOTICE that our intention in that
moment is negative, irresponsible, and potentially
treasonous. So STOP, forgive ourselves our humanity, and
create a new intention. If we feel that we still MUST share
our feelings about Albert with Jane, then do so with
positive intention. How?

1. Own your interpretations about Albert's actions -- your
emotional response is not really about Albert, it's about
YOU.

2. Ask Jane to help you check or verify your interpretation
about Albert's behavior.

3. Then ask her to help you choose how best to talk to
Albert about it.

Get started with this week's 5-Minute TeamWisdom Stretch.
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Get your copy of "Teamwork Is an Individual Skill: Getting
Your Work Done When Sharing Responsibility" at
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1576751554/partnerofficeont/
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4. 5-Minute Practice Tip

How do you justify it when you complain about someone's
behavior to someone else? What will you do the next time you
find yourself doing so?

Stretch Practice
When someone complains to you about another, clearly laying
blame for one's own unhappiness, how will you respond?

I wish you a world of responsible and productive
relationships at work.

Faithfully, Christopher
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FREE! Introduce me to meeting planners or leadership
development managers and I'll send them a marketing kit full
of testimonial letters that will make you proud. Then I'll
send you my book ($18.95 list) or the print version of the
Leader's Guide ($22.95 list). Just direct folks to the page
below and cc us at teamwisdom@partnerwerks.com.
http://www.partnerwerks.com/ServProd/ca_talk.html
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Christopher will be traveling to and speaking...

- October 14, AT&T Project Management Symposium, Basking
  Ridge, NJ
- October 16, TexChange, Austin, TX
- October 26, Pepperdine MSOD Alumni Conference, Lake Tahoe,
  NV
- November 4, Southwest Facilitators Network, Houston, TX
- November 6-8, The LawPartnering Forum, NJ
- December 2-4, Being Powerful In Any Team, San Antonio, TX
  (http://www.beingpowerful.com)
- December 12-13, ProjectWorld, Santa Clara, CA
  (http://www.ProjectWorld.com)
- February 17-19, 2003, Being Powerful In Any Team, San
  Antonio, TX (http://www.beingpowerful.com)
- May 13-15, 2003 Being Powerful In Any Team, San Antonio,
  TX (http://www.beingpowerful.com)

Is Christopher coming to a city near you? Want him to speak
at your company or meeting? See
http://www.partnerwerks.com/Servprod/ca_talk.html
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Got a teamwork problem? Conduct free keyword searches of
more than 150 articles on TeamWisdom at
http://www.partnerwerks.com/TeamResrc/ttarchive.html
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5. Readers Respond

...a few choice replies to the issue on potent goals.

Dianne Michels - WOW! You certainly struck a chord with this
one re e-f-f-o-r-t-i-n-g!

Bruce Lillie - Appreciate the "needs, wants, demands..."
breakdown. Interesting way to set your resource priorities.
Right on the money once again, Christopher.

A. W. Smith - Here's to stamping out impotent goals and
abilities in every area of life. Your message is always
refreshing and uplifting.

Sandy Lutra - Outstanding outline about potency of goals and
some excellent quotations as well. Thanks as always for
sharing.   
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Copyright 1998-2002, all rights reserved. TeamWisdom,
TeamWisdom Tips and Partnerwerks are trademarks of
Partnerwerks Inc.

You may republish Partnerwerks TeamWisdom Tips. Please
include the copyright statement above and the following
by-line: Christopher M. Avery, Ph.D., author of "Teamwork Is
An Individual Skill: Getting Your Work Done When Sharing
Responsibility," and president of Partnerwerks
(http://www.partnerwerks.com). And please send us a courtesy
copy of the publication in which it appears.



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