A few weeks ago I wrote a blog post about Why Building Trust is So Important. Today I want to focus on why it is so important to keep that trust — why a trustworthy reputation is everything, in your private life and your business relationships.
Think of two people. For the first person, imagine someone you trust explicitly, someone you’d entrust with your most treasured possessions or most sensitive information.
If you can’t think of a specific person, make up someone. Now, think of someone you trust so little that you wouldn’t loan him or her a ball point pen.
Unfortunately this person is often easier to conjure up than someone you trust. But if you can’t think of a specific case, make up someone.
Got two people in mind? Now, give each person this test:
- Does he or she tell their truth?
- Does he or she keep agreements?
- Does he or she stand by you under pressure?
I’ll wager that for your first person, the trustworthy one, you answered “yes” for every question. And for your second person the answer was “no” to every question.
These three questions are great tools for predicting trustworthiness. Let’s examine why.
Why don’t we trust liars? It’s not just because they lie, but because they lie to us!
When someone lies to me, I assume he does it with good reason. I also assume the reason is manipulative — that his reason for lying is to keep me in relationship with him so he can game me.
Such people fear I won’t stay in the relationship if they tell me the truth. In some cases they might be right.
This fear fuels the whole range of lying from nasty lies (like con artists tell) to white lies (as in, “I just wanted to be nice. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” And all sorts of lies in between.
Why don’t we trust people who break agreements? Simple. Because they leave us holding the bag.
When people don’t keep agreements, our confidence in them goes down. We cease to view them as assets to us and begin viewing them as liabilities.
And, finally, why don’t we trust people who abandon us when the pressure is on? Easy — because it’s under pressure when we need other people the most! The ultimate test of integrity is the congruence of a person’s words and deeds.
Those three questions are a simple and reliable litmus test of trustworthiness and integrity. Apply them to yourself now.
Get Started With This Week’s 5-Minute Stretch
Reflect on the following:
- Do you always tell your truth (meaning what’s true for you) or do you attempt to shape and control what you want others to think?
- Before making even a tiny agreement, do you consider whether you truly intend to keep it? Do you act on your intentions or do you deny them? (See reflection number 1.)
- Do you see your partners’ pressures as opportunities to demonstrate your support or as signals to hide?
Add your story
What’s your best or worst experience dealing with trust? I want to know.
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Christopher Avery, PhD, is a recognized authority on how individual and shared responsibility works in the mind and an advisor to leaders worldwide.
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