Christopher,

I saw you speak at the Agile 2009 event in Chicago.  During your presentation, you mentioned a technique for “catching” yourself doing something other than taking Responsibility and it stuck in my head.  So, I decided to see how it would work on my 9 year old son.

My son is bright kid and often, when the class slows down, he gets into trouble.  We have spoken to him many times about how silly it is that he is getting into trouble, especially for the things he is doing and what the longer impact could be – Not being invited to birthday parties, etc…

Two nights ago, I explained the technique I remembered from your presentation.  I told him to keep 4 quarters in his right pocket and each time he was about to do something silly, but he caught himself before doing it and didn’t folow through, he should move a quarter to his left pocket.  If he didn’t catch himself, the quarter would stay.  I explained that if he could just catch himself and come home with his left pocket full, we would be very proud of him!

Here is the message I got this morning from his 3rd grade teacher:

“I wanted to let you know that [son's name] had a very good day yesterday.  I love the quarter idea that Todd came up with!  Even though [son's name] did not have any pockets and real quarters, he used imaginary quarters and it worked!  I am looking forward to another great day!”

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I look forward to learning more and putting it to good use with my entire family.

Todd Kamens
Managing Partner, Certified Scrum Master
Guidance Technology, Inc.
Sharon, MA
USA

Thank you Todd for sharing your win. Congratulations to your son, and to his wonderful, loving, patient, and creative parents.

No child is too young to begin learning how his or her Responsibility Process works. But first, you have to know and demonstrate it yourself.

Here is a “kudos” received soon after the show:

I submitted a question for your Tuesday broadcast yesterday. This was the one about knowing something logically yet not actually incorporating into your actions – self-sabotaging.

I just wanted to let you know I did hear your broadcast and really appreciated your response. Your answer was terrific!  Yes, I took notes! And am starting my Responsibility Practice TODAY!

Thank you for your great ideas, perspectives and most of all for being willing to go over this information again and again until we “get it”. We do have the best of intentions, but being human, we tend to rationalize and find we have drifted so far away, or just plain “forgot” our intent.  You are exactly right – this needs to be a daily practice with it “in your face” and I really like the accountability of the score-keeping game.

I have down-loaded the poster as you suggested on the call and am putting copies in several places to remind me. I have your book as well.

Thank you so very much for sharing yourself and your perspective. And please keep those great tips coming.

I would also like to comment on your post of Jan 6, which I just read yesterday, about taking a stand on integrity. That you would not accept an assignment to “change them” if the executive wasn’t willing to “change self” first.  The next sound you hear will be that of a standing ovation from this end!
<sound of thunderous applause>

May integrity be the next viral marketing! May it spread through our leadership at an unprecedented rate and may it give corporate leaders the backbone to make the hard decisions they have avoided for so long -OR- to move on to something else and let people of integrity fill their shoes. Please understand that I don’t mean that as blame! Just as facing facts!

You sir, are definitely one of those people of integrity with a very valid moral compass and stand as a shining example.  Thank you!

~ Alissa Beeler, Tennessee

Thank you Alissa. I appreciate feedback, and especially feedback that tells me to stay the course.

Here are the questions I addressed in this segment:

Q: I know logically many of these things. My struggle is to actually reprogram my mind to these new ideas and ways of thinking and not self-sabotage my efforts. Can you offer some advice to help me get these new ideas to replace/reprogram the old ones?

Q: What is you’re book about?

Q: Is there a difference is your processes when dealing with children rather than adults? If yes, to take it further is there a difference in younger children vs. say teenagers in the thrall of hormone swings? Trying to achieve work life balance includes dealing with these issues at home.

Q: How old would you suggest a child / teen be in order to begin to learn about personal – shared responsibility and 100% ownership, and how would you suggest beginning to help them learn (i.e., teach) about it?

Q: As a parent, I want to let my children (young adults, in my case) decide for themselves, take responsibility, see the consequences of their choices – respecting their freedom and dignity as persons – but yet I keep asking myself, “How can I tell them this so they will understand the value or the good sense of it, so they will make the right choice”, or “I need to remind them of this, in case they forgot”, or “Have I already told them this? If not, I need to….” — because I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to teach them and to pass on any wisdom gained. And so it feels like a never-ending battle. What would be a better approach?

Even if you can’t attend live tonight you can go ahead and find out how to access the replay later.

Get the details for the call.

See my earlier blog post and video about Mark Todhunter and Tame Your Teenager.

PR: wait… I: wait… L: wait… LD: wait… I: wait… wait… C: wait… SD: wait…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYJRN8UprnE&eurl[/youtube]

Every time I speak about the Responsibility Process™ and your 3 Keys to Responsibility™ men and women approach me afterwords and ask “Christopher, when are you going to have the products and services for me to use with my family to study Responsibility?” I like being asked that question, especially since most of these speeches are to corporate leaders. The truth is that any of the books, special reports, audio programs, or other of my products will help you learn plenty about how to study, demonstrate, ask for, and teach (the these are the 4 steps to teaching or coaching responsibility) responsibility to anyone. And, as the subtitle of my recent 12CD set says, you’ll “master your own life in the process.”

Well, since I started the Ask Christopher Avery monthly tele-seminars the word is out that I’m interested and willing to tell the world about Responsibility Redefined™ via teleseminars and web conferences. So last week I got a call from Mark Todhunter, the parenting expert who hosts the Tame Your Teenager series, asking to interview me. And I jumped at the opportunity.

I’ve been a parent to two boys now ages 16 and 11 since first being introduced to the Responsibility Redefined™ studies a year before my older son was born. That means they’ve grown up with a dad interested in teaching them about how responsibility works in their minds, and how they can tap into this amazing information to overcome challenges and live the life of their dreams. So I’ve learned a little about what works and what doesn’t work. I look forward to sharing it.

Mark your calendar for Wednesday, August 20, 2008 @ 9pm Eastern / 6pm Pacific. Go to Mark’s website for the interview series and ask him to keep you informed about the upcoming interview. You might also want to see more if Mark Todhunter’s video’s about climbing Mt Whitney.

Then, if you have a question about raising responsible kids you’d like Mark to ask me during the interview, leave it here as a comment. Okay? Thanks.