Please Just Tell Me!
I’m often asked “Christopher, what is the single most powerful action for practicing responsible leadership, i.e., for taking charge of any result, including my life success?” You might be surprised to learn what it is. It will sound so simple. But it has profound consequences for how you claim and exercise your power to
- Learn so you can grow in the direction you seek,
- Correct your course so you can get where you want to go, and
- Improve your abilities and choices so you can have what you want.
Ready? Here it is
Stop blaming any condition in your life on anyone, including yourself.
I’ll give you a practice tip too you can start today. It will take you 5 minutes a day total—in increments of 5 to 30 seconds which you can do while driving, eating, bathing, or anything else—to begin to change your life forever. But that’s not all. I’ll also address your questions about this #1 Action and Practice Tip, and I’ll do it tomorrow for a solid hour.
Ask me any question and I’ll send you the details for the free call and web-cast tomorrow, Tuesday, January 13, 2009 at 1 PM Eastern / Noon Central / 10AM Pacific. Even if you can’t make it live at that time, you can listen to the free audio replay (which is also available now as an iTunes podcast). So go ahead and ask your question (after learning the Practice Tip below:
How to Stop Blaming
You will likely always experience thoughts of blame. Why? You are human. That’s the Responsibility Process™ operating in your mind. You aren’t a bad person for having those thoughts. That’s what the Responsibility Process™ does every time something isn’t quite right in your world. It helps you start a search for someone to blame.
But blaming someone stops you from learning, correcting, or improving. Blaming keeps you stuck in the problem condition. So to stop blaming, you actually have to catch yourself in the thought of blame, and refuse to accept it as the answer to your upset.
So, here’s the Practice Tip
Catch yourself blaming and refuse to accept it as the best answer to your problem. When you catch yourself blaming and refuse to accept—or act on—that answer, then your mind gets off Lay Blame and starts moving up the ladder toward Responsibility.
Step 1 – Carry a small score-card in your pocket
Grab a piece of scrap paper, the back of a receipt, a business card, or start a note on your smart device.
Step 2 – Make two columns labeled “Got Off Of It” and “It Got Out”
In the first column, the one called “Got Off Of It”, you will make a mark for every time you have a thought of blame for any upset (no matter how small) and CATCH YOURSELF before acting on it. Example: You think…”Hey, who moved my laptop?” and then you realize that’s a Lay Blame so you look in your mind for another more powerful thought about what might be going on besides someone being out to abuse you. You “Got Off Of It”, that is, you got off of the thought of Lay Blame. Congratulations.
Assign yourself 10 points for each mark in the “Got Off Of It” column.
If instead you blurt out “Hey, who moved my laptop?” and then, after some time, whether a second, or a minute, or a day, give yourself 1 point because “It Got Out” before you caught it.
Why get 1 point even when you let it get out? Because catching yourself Laying Blame is the whole point. The more you catch yourself after the fact, the sooner you will start catching yourself before acting on it.
Step 3 – Keep score throughout your day
The higher your score, the more awareness you are developing of your own Responsibility Process™. Keep score until you have very few marks in the “It Got Out” column.
Once you’ve handled Lay Blame, then move to Justify, then Shame, etc., up the Responsibility Process™. Play this game well, that is develop a Responsibility Practice in your life, and you’ll become more and more powerful at taking charge of anything you choose.
Go ahead, Ask Me Anything
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