Todd and his family gave me permission to share this great news with you. Maybe you have a bright child like this. I do.
Christopher,
I saw you speak at the Agile 2009 event in Chicago. During your presentation, you mentioned a technique for “catching” yourself doing something other than taking Responsibility and it stuck in my head. So, I decided to see how it would work on my 9 year old son.
My son is bright kid and often, when the class slows down, he gets into trouble. We have spoken to him many times about how silly it is that he is getting into trouble, especially for the things he is doing and what the longer impact could be – Not being invited to birthday parties, etc…
Two nights ago, I explained the technique I remembered from your presentation. I told him to keep 4 quarters in his right pocket and each time he was about to do something silly, but he caught himself before doing it and didn’t folow through, he should move a quarter to his left pocket. If he didn’t catch himself, the quarter would stay. I explained that if he could just catch himself and come home with his left pocket full, we would be very proud of him!
Here is the message I got this morning from his 3rd grade teacher:
“I wanted to let you know that [son's name] had a very good day yesterday. I love the quarter idea that Todd came up with! Even though [son's name] did not have any pockets and real quarters, he used imaginary quarters and it worked! I am looking forward to another great day!”
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I look forward to learning more and putting it to good use with my entire family.
Todd Kamens
Managing Partner, Certified Scrum Master
Guidance Technology, Inc.
Sharon, MA
USA
Thank you Todd for sharing your win. Congratulations to your son, and to his wonderful, loving, patient, and creative parents.
No child is too young to begin learning how his or her Responsibility Process works. But first, you have to know and demonstrate it yourself.
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Christopher,
Thanks for sharing our story. We are still using the method and it has been working great to help my son catch himself. He really understands the technique and told me how it is making him think a lot more about what he is doing before he does it.
We have a new challenge in the house now as school is nearing an end: Make it through the last month of school with good behavior and win a Kindle. I look forward to making the purchase.
Thanks again for teaching this and I really hope that others learn to apply your techniques to more than just their work.
Sincerely,
Todd
Todd – thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. Your application of these principles inspires me. My guess is that you will inspire many more parents to think about how to teach Responsibility to our kids.
Christopher
I’m assuming that when you say “silly” that you mean “foolish” – the kind of stuff that should be punished and we should take responsiblity for, such as mouthing-off at a teacher.
Unfortunately, in today’s society, we often confuse childish behavior with foolish behavior. The former, such as making a silly face, should never be punishable and would not be irresponsible. Boys wouldn’t be kids if they weren’t childish.
Qumulus – you raise an excellent point and I thank you for making it. Requiring a child — or anyone — to conform to a set of rules that go against the very essence of being a child — or a human being — is a recipe for more irresponsibility. We already have classrooms and conference rooms full of Shame and Obligation. Let’s not create more!
What I like about Todd’s example is that he is attempting to show his son that he has the ability to recognize impulses and make a choice about acting on it or not based on probabilistic reasoning. That’s a cool life skill.
What a great application of the technique. It seems so simple, yet by merely being conscious of our actions, a great tool to be more accountable.
Hi Maria – so good to hear from you. Yes indeed. It is the practice of primarily the first 2 Keys to Responsibility: Intention and Awareness. It helps us, as you say, be conscious of our thoughts and actions. My best, Christopher