Questions addressed on this segment:

Q: How do I recognize its my responsibility when it doesn’t look that way and I want to blame someone else for the problem?

Q: Some people (me sometimes) feel the ownership of some domain (in business, technology, etc.) in an exclusive way, so they don’t allow other people to take responsibility. What would be a correct thing to do?

Q: Procrastination is one of the biggest obstacles that we have to overcome to take 100% ownership. What is your advice on fighting against it?

Q: What about project managers or scrum masters who can’t give up control? Micromanage? Criticize in public? Get hostile in tone when things don’t go their way? How do you diffuse this type of person and allow one to be 100 % responsible for our work?

Q: How do you get past the rationalization (Justify) during an accountability session (i.e., what went wrong) and get to more of a Responsibility space? We are very good at rationalizing, that is understand why something went wrong, but we kind of get stuck there.

Q: Given the mental and emotional issues that affect weight loss, can the Responsibility Process be used to aid in successful achievement and maintenance of healthy weight loss?

Q: I am starting a new job in a few weeks at a large fortune 500 company. There is new upper management recently in place (board level). The “old” charismatic leader started some key programs. These programs are currently under assessment, but as the new regime lifts the rocks, they are seeing that it’s ugly underneath. I will be on an existing program that has two diverse camps – one that wants to stop and reassess (one customer is a 60% stakeholder and claims he “doesn’t want the program, it doesn’t meet his needs) and then there is the other camp that is driving the project to try to be completed (in 2010/2011). As a new leader in this organization, what advise would you give me.

Jim: What is the most effective way to help a person move out of the “deep victim” stance into a more self-responsible way of being?

Ron: How do you get a team leader to acknowledge the concerns of the team members. Many of the questions and issues are passed over because of “time constraints”, no closure and team problems fester?

Geoff: How do we identify the 20% of people in an Organisation that will embrace ‘responsibility’ and change the environment for the other 80%

Samantha: I enjoy my work in HR, but sometimes it seems like there are so many boundries/barriers. Making choices help us to grow but can be scary as well. I want those who I support to know I can add value. I feel that team work can help in building more self confidence for hard choices. Can you speak to this?

Paula:  I have at least a couple of co-workers (peers) who communicate and energize martyrdom. I attempt to ignore this and do avoid rewarding it verbally . And, in my mind, I a am frustrated with it. Any thoughts on how to grow an environment that encourages people to ask for help and communicate issues early?

Luis:  Procrastination is one of the biggest obstacles that we have to overcome to take 100% ownership. What is your advice on fighting against it?

I appreciate you. And I appreciate your interest in how personal and shared responsibility works in the mind. People like you joined me today for a solid hour of my best information about leading, teaming, and succeeding through 100% ownership. It’s live, no-cost, and completely driven by your questions. You were there right? Or are you already enjoying the life, work, and relationships of your dreams? If not, what’s your #1 question about increasing your freedom, power, and choice — about overcoming any challenge and achieving anything?

Ask Christopher Avery Details

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• Register: http://www.AskChristopherAvery.com/
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Feel free to gather your team around the conference table and take advantage of this no-cost team development opportunity. Lots of teams did that today all over the world.

Rave Review

Here’s an email I received from Alissa Beeler in Tennessee after last month’s Ask Christopher Avery tele-clinic:

Dear Christopher,

I did hear your broadcast and really appreciated your response. Your answer was terrific! Yes, I took notes! And am starting my Responsibility Practice TODAY!

Thank you for your great ideas, perspectives and most of all for being willing to go over this information again and again until we “get it”. We do have the best of intentions, but being human, we tend to rationalize and find we have drifted so far away, or just plain “forgot” our intent.

You are exactly right – this needs to be a daily practice with it “in your face” and I really like the accountability of the score-keeping game. I have down-loaded the poster as you suggested on the call and am putting copies in several places to remind me. I have your book as well.

Thank you so very much for sharing yourself and your perspective. And please keep those great tips coming.

You sir, are definitely one of those people of integrity with a very valid moral compass and stand as a shining example.  Thank you!

~Alissa Beeler, Tennessee

This week’s questions

Maria:    Christopher, I very much enjoy listening to your tele-clinics, and have found them very helpful, with practical advice I can apply.  Last month I asked a question related to older children; you gave a short (v. helpful to “carry with”!) answer in the last minute, but said you may try to elaborate in the next clinic.

Belinda:  What one thing can I do be more consistent in taking personal responsibility? Paula:    What are some ways to move out of justify?

Drew:    In a professional management setting, does delegation equate to taking full responsibility?

Zachary:    How can I endow employees at all levels with a sense of personal responsibility?  I have tried conveying the importance of all tasks, how even small ones effect the whole project either negatively or positively.

Joe:    Can you get these teleclinics in mp3s?

Pam:    How do I get my team to share a vision about what our team’s responsibility is to the larger organization?

Lyz:    How can I coach my team to be responsible?

Jim:    What is the most effective way to help a person move out of the “deep victim” stance into a more self-responsible way of being?

Ron:    How do you get a team leader to acknowledge the concerns of the team members. Many of the questions and issues are passed over because of “time constraints”, no closure and team problems fester.

Geoff:    How do we identify the 20% of people in an Organisation that will embrace ‘responsibility’ and change the environment for the other 80%?

Samantha:    I enjoy my work in HR, but sometimes it seems like there are so many boundries/barriers. Making choices help us to grow but can be scary as well. I want those who I support to know I can add value. I feel that team work can help in building more self confidence for hard choices. Can you speak to this?

Register for next month’s Ask Christopher Avery right now.

Here is a “kudos” received soon after the show:

I submitted a question for your Tuesday broadcast yesterday. This was the one about knowing something logically yet not actually incorporating into your actions – self-sabotaging.

I just wanted to let you know I did hear your broadcast and really appreciated your response. Your answer was terrific!  Yes, I took notes! And am starting my Responsibility Practice TODAY!

Thank you for your great ideas, perspectives and most of all for being willing to go over this information again and again until we “get it”. We do have the best of intentions, but being human, we tend to rationalize and find we have drifted so far away, or just plain “forgot” our intent.  You are exactly right – this needs to be a daily practice with it “in your face” and I really like the accountability of the score-keeping game.

I have down-loaded the poster as you suggested on the call and am putting copies in several places to remind me. I have your book as well.

Thank you so very much for sharing yourself and your perspective. And please keep those great tips coming.

I would also like to comment on your post of Jan 6, which I just read yesterday, about taking a stand on integrity. That you would not accept an assignment to “change them” if the executive wasn’t willing to “change self” first.  The next sound you hear will be that of a standing ovation from this end!
<sound of thunderous applause>

May integrity be the next viral marketing! May it spread through our leadership at an unprecedented rate and may it give corporate leaders the backbone to make the hard decisions they have avoided for so long -OR- to move on to something else and let people of integrity fill their shoes. Please understand that I don’t mean that as blame! Just as facing facts!

You sir, are definitely one of those people of integrity with a very valid moral compass and stand as a shining example.  Thank you!

~ Alissa Beeler, Tennessee

Thank you Alissa. I appreciate feedback, and especially feedback that tells me to stay the course.

Here are the questions I addressed in this segment:

Q: I know logically many of these things. My struggle is to actually reprogram my mind to these new ideas and ways of thinking and not self-sabotage my efforts. Can you offer some advice to help me get these new ideas to replace/reprogram the old ones?

Q: What is you’re book about?

Q: Is there a difference is your processes when dealing with children rather than adults? If yes, to take it further is there a difference in younger children vs. say teenagers in the thrall of hormone swings? Trying to achieve work life balance includes dealing with these issues at home.

Q: How old would you suggest a child / teen be in order to begin to learn about personal – shared responsibility and 100% ownership, and how would you suggest beginning to help them learn (i.e., teach) about it?

Q: As a parent, I want to let my children (young adults, in my case) decide for themselves, take responsibility, see the consequences of their choices – respecting their freedom and dignity as persons – but yet I keep asking myself, “How can I tell them this so they will understand the value or the good sense of it, so they will make the right choice”, or “I need to remind them of this, in case they forgot”, or “Have I already told them this? If not, I need to….” — because I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to teach them and to pass on any wisdom gained. And so it feels like a never-ending battle. What would be a better approach?

I’m often asked “Christopher, what is the single most powerful action for practicing responsible leadership, i.e., for taking charge of any result, including my life success?” You might be surprised to learn what it is. It will sound so simple. But it has profound consequences for how you claim and exercise your power to

• Learn so you can grow in the direction you seek,
• Correct your course so you can get where you want to go, and
• Improve your abilities and choices so you can have what you want.

Ready? Here it is

Stop blaming any condition in your life on anyone, including yourself.

I’ll give you a practice tip too you can start today. It will take you 5 minutes a day total—in increments of 5 to 30 seconds which you can do while driving, eating, bathing, or anything else—to begin to change your life forever. But that’s not all.  I’ll also address your questions about this #1 Action and Practice Tip, and I’ll do it tomorrow for a solid hour.

Please join me tomorrow for my every-second-Tuesday Ask Christopher Avery hour-long free tele-clinic.

http://www.AskChristopherAvery.com/

Ask me any question and I’ll send you the details for the free call and web-cast tomorrow, Tuesday, January 13, 2009 at 1 PM Eastern / Noon Central / 10AM Pacific. Even if you can’t make it live at that time, you can listen to the free audio replay (which is also available now as an iTunes podcast). So go ahead and ask your question (after learning the Practice Tip below:

http://www.AskChristopherAvery.com/

How to Stop Blaming

You will likely always experience thoughts of blame. Why? You are human. That’s the Responsibility Process™ operating in your mind. You aren’t a bad person for having those thoughts. That’s what the Responsibility Process™ does every time something isn’t quite right in your world. It helps you start a search for someone to blame.

But blaming someone stops you from learning, correcting, or improving. Blaming keeps you stuck in the problem condition. So to stop blaming, you actually have to catch yourself in the thought of blame, and refuse to accept it as the answer to your upset.

Make sense?

So, here’s the Practice Tip

Catch yourself blaming and refuse to accept it as the best answer to your problem. When you catch yourself blaming and refuse to accept—or act on—that answer, then your mind gets off Lay Blame and starts moving up the ladder toward Responsibility.

Step 1 – Carry a small score-card in your pocket

Grab a piece of scrap paper, the back of a receipt, a business card, or start a note on your smart device.

Step 2 – Make two columns labeled “Got Off Of It” and “It Got Out”

In the first column, the one called “Got Off Of It”,  you will make a mark for every time you have a thought of blame for any upset (no matter how small) and CATCH YOURSELF before acting on it. Example: You think…”Hey, who moved my laptop?” and then you realize that’s a Lay Blame so you look in your mind for another more powerful thought about what might be going on besides someone being out to abuse you. You “Got Off Of It”, that is, you got off of the thought of Lay Blame. Congratulations.

Assign yourself 10 points for each mark in the “Got Off Of It” column.

If instead you blurt out “Hey, who moved my laptop?” and then, after some time, whether a second, or a minute, or a day, give yourself 1 point because “It Got Out” before you caught it.

Why get 1 point even when you let it get out? Because catching yourself Laying Blame is the whole point. The more you catch yourself after the fact, the sooner you will start catching yourself before acting on it.

Step 3 – Keep score throughout your day

The higher your score, the more awareness you are developing of your own Responsibility Process™. Keep score until you have very few marks in the “It Got Out” column.

Then Graduate

Once you’ve handled Lay Blame, then move to Justify, then Shame, etc., up the Responsibility Process™. Play this game well, that is develop a Responsibility Practice in your life,  and you’ll become more and more powerful at taking charge of anything you choose.

Go ahead, Ask Me Anything

http://www.AskChristopherAvery.com/

Ask me anything at www.AskChristopherAvery.com

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Q: Why do so many folks refuse to accept personal responsibility, preferring to pass blame onto their spouse, business partner, children, etc.?

Q: Any suggestions for using the Responsibility Process to help oneself overcome inertia and start taking action on business goals, rather than simply studying, learning, and having analysis paralysis?

Q: How do I retire in a responsible way from a volunteer team where I play a crucial role & maintain relationships.

Q: In our choice to operate from a position of responsibility with our senior parents my husband and I would like your input on how to Honor our parents when we do not agree with their choices or belief system.

Special guest Mr. ElderCare joined me to offer his views on this question.

Q: How does one install personal responsibility in one’s 12-year-old children (twins)?

Q: How does the Responsibility Process deal with a persons truth, particularly when you agree with that truth, but recognize they are not taking 100% responsibility and staying stuck behind that truth?

Submit your question now at http://www.AskChristopherAvery.com

PR: wait…

I: wait…

L: wait…

LD: wait…

I: wait…

wait…

C: wait…

SD: wait…

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYJRN8UprnE&eurl[/youtube]

Every time I speak about the Responsibility Process™ and your 3 Keys to Responsibility™ men and women approach me afterwords and ask “Christopher, when are you going to have the products and services for me to use with my family to study Responsibility?” I like being asked that question, especially since most of these speeches are to corporate leaders. The truth is that any of the books, special reports, audio programs, or other of my products will help you learn plenty about how to study, demonstrate, ask for, and teach (the these are the 4 steps to teaching or coaching responsibility) responsibility to anyone. And, as the subtitle of my recent 12CD set says, you’ll “master your own life in the process.”

Well, since I started the Ask Christopher Avery monthly tele-seminars the word is out that I’m interested and willing to tell the world about Responsibility Redefined™ via teleseminars and web conferences. So last week I got a call from Mark Todhunter, the parenting expert who hosts the Tame Your Teenager series, asking to interview me. And I jumped at the opportunity.

I’ve been a parent to two boys now ages 16 and 11 since first being introduced to the Responsibility Redefined™ studies a year before my older son was born. That means they’ve grown up with a dad interested in teaching them about how responsibility works in their minds, and how they can tap into this amazing information to overcome challenges and live the life of their dreams. So I’ve learned a little about what works and what doesn’t work. I look forward to sharing it.

Mark your calendar for Wednesday, August 20, 2008 @ 9pm Eastern / 6pm Pacific. Go to Mark’s website for the interview series and ask him to keep you informed about the upcoming interview. You might also want to see more if Mark Todhunter’s video’s about climbing Mt Whitney.

Then, if you have a question about raising responsible kids you’d like Mark to ask me during the interview, leave it here as a comment. Okay? Thanks.

Q: Christopher, how can we use the Responsibility Process™ in the Federal Government?

This question comes from a serious student of Responsibility Redefined™ who is employed in the Federal Government, and I’ve had a number of similar questions recently (more about that below), so I addressed it. I answered:

A: You already are (using the Responsibility Process in the Federal Government).

Think about it.

The Responsibility Process is inside you and everyone, even workers in the Federal Government. It regulates how we each choose (generally unconsciously) to avoid or take responsibility for our lives and situations. So you can’t not use it every moment, unless everything in your life is always perfect.

The Responsibility Process is a relatively recent discovery (follow the links to learn more about the Responsibility Process) about how we respond to mistakes, upsets, and issues in our world. We are just learning how to direct and apply the power of the Responsibility Process. So far, we’ve had amazing results using Responsibility Redefined as the central organizing principle in a team leadership skill-building curriculum, as a self-leadership practice, and as a culture-shaping tool. We’ve also discovered quite a bit about how to teach people about their own Responsibility Process.

So, about the Federal Government, consider why someone would ask about using the Responsibility Process in a specific industry sector. What’s the underlying assumption? Slow to change? Poor working conditions? Bureaucratic? Poor leadership? Stultifying management? Un-enjoyable workplace? Dis-engaged workers?

I can only speculate. Two weeks ago I was visiting the Federal Government of a neighboring country (to the USA) introducing Responsibility Redefined to 7 top officials. They loved the concept, were very interested, and posed a similar question. One said: “I suppose this is much more likely to be effective when introduced in the private sector?”

To which I answered: I can imagine leaders in the private sector may be quicker to want to learn about Responsibility Redefined™, but that does not mean the Responsibility Process is any less operative in the public sector. In fact, the assumption that the public sector is a place where people can not be expected to be interested in taking ownership shows that the Responsibility Process is sorely at work… if you know what I mean ( i.e., cultural conditioning toward Denial, Lay Blame, Justify, Shame, Obligation, and especially Quit).

So back to my answer to the Ask Christopher Avery question. I said that since the Responsibility Process is already at work everywhere, then the questioner might consider his or her workplace to be prime real estate for developing awareness of Responsibility Redefined. I reminded that Responsibility Redefined is not a management tool. Rather it is a self-leadership tool that invites others to follow you. I suggested the questioner could teach it to peers, and could start a leadership study group.

And lastly, I suggested the questioner could procure an invitation for me to introduce Responsibility Redefined™ at a government leaders conference. It is interesting that I’ve had audiences in two national governments in the last year, neither of which has been the USA.

You ask questions. I answer them.

Go ahead. Try me. Ask me anything about personal or shared responsibility.

A data-base collects and identifies the most frequently asked questions during the month. I answer as many as I can. This week I addressed six. Here they are:

1. How can I motivate myself to BE responsible when I just don’t feel like it? Whether it is lack of buy-in or I don’t think that the effort is meaningful or worthwhile.

2. What about leadership? Can it be learned? Tell us about the individual skills of a leader.

3. What would be the first three actions a staff person (field training consultant) could take to introduce Responsibility Redefined™ to a group virtually. I’m not in the same physical location as the customers I serve, and have very limited travel resources…

4. How do you motivate business leaders to seek mastery of ‘responsibility’ when they are typically rewarded for demonstrating ‘accountability’ – assuming accountability does not equate to responsibility..

5. What is the newest thing you have learned?

6. You talk about provocability. I’ll be honest, that’s a hard skill to master, especially when it’s my boss that I most often get provoked at. How do you recommend I get started breaking down this internal barrier?

All Ask Christopher Avery audio MP3 replays, including this one, are archived. Download them immediately for only $10 each. You can buy the audio MP3 replay for the June Ask Christopher Avery, where I answer the above questions, directly from this blog page. Just click the button..

You can also pre-purchase the audio MP3 replay for the next call for $5 (after you submit your question). You will receive access within 48 hours after the call. Why not do what many busy people do. Submit your questions, pre-purchase, and listen at your convenience.

Register now for the next Ask Christopher Avery free live tele-training is July 8, 2008, then every first Tuesday of the month thereafter.